i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
