Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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