my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
