So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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