how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
