Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize