Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Houston, we have a squirter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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