Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
