The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
