That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
