where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
