Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am naked and annoyed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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