You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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