he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
