Got a toothbrush?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
