Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
