So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
