no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
