remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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