the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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