I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
