: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
