Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
