It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
