my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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