Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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