Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
