Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
