What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
