And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
