margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
