Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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