At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize