I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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