Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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