im six kinds of drunk right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
