porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
