I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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