Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
