found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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