My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
