Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
