even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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