Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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