Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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