Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
