well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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