I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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