Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize