remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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