Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize