no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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