Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
