I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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