I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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