He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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