Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
