I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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