i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
