My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize