We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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