heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
