You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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