the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you still have your period?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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