i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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