I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
