I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
