I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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